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Cars.
On the New Jersey Turnpike.

Rose Trees Never Grow in New York City



Goodbye to BlackBirdEyes.
Return to StolenPicnic.

And the ripped ones say goodbye, while the others meet --attached somewhere.







.

Tags:

Futbol

A week goes by,
she doesn't cry.

You have only been gone 10 days.
Already. I'm. Wasting. Away.
Eyes, look your last.
Arms, take your last embrace.

Tags:

REALLY?

...But I LOVE the way you roll
excuses off the tip of your tongue...

Did They Teach You French in New York?

I'm up too early.
Fell asleep and stayed asleep before midnight.
ON MY second to LAST NIGHT IN TOWN.
Just... went home and went to sleep.

I don't know if it's depression or just overwhelmed.
I can't remember really the last few days in Louisiana.
If I deliberately wasted them.

I still have to pack.
I'm staring at all the bags and boxes all disheveled around the room knowing what I have to do.
But it's too early.
Too much noise for 11AM.
I also have phone calls to make.
But it's too early.
Too much noise for 11AM.

Have to return to ye olde place of work at 2PM.
Got business to take care of.
But they don't really know I'm coming so I'm not sure how that works, really.

A car passing under my cracked-open Bedford Avenue window is blaring,
"nobody wants him; he just stares at the wall."
That song encapsulates the last summer of my childhood.
Or the first summer of my adulthood.
Who knows?
Either way I hear it and see a foggy crystal glow around the edges of things from chlorine-stained eyes.
And feel the wind from open-windowed drives to snowball stands.
Six square miles, and I've seen every inch of them.
Been down every street, through every backyard, in every parking lot.
It's all been done, and, yet, Bailey Adventure Seeker returns in 10 days to the same old town.

I don't know what I'm doing, I really don't.
"...How on earth did I get so Jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded
..."
Do you enjoy drama?
Shut it.

Are you a girly girl?
My $.79 dirt sneakers on sockless feet are going to go with NO.

Do you use hair products everyday?
Uhhhh yeah the ones that are permanently already on my head because of my refusal to wash it.

Ever cried at a movie theater?
One time I threw up during the Notebook.

Do you think Ryan Sheckler is cute?
Who?

Have you ever been called a bad influence?
By Ashley's parents.

THIS OR THAT:

Eyeliner or Mascara?
Uh.

Louis Vuitton or Dooney?
Who?

American Eagle or Hollister?
Ew?

Heels or flats?
Either.

Socks or leggings?
Both.

Hoodies or jackets?
H O O D.

Heels or sneakers?
Either.

Straight or curly hair?
Whose?

Hoops or dangling earings?
No.

Do you prefer light or dark hair on your significant other?
Dark.

Are you currently frustrated with a guy?
No. Haha. What a first.

Do you have a best friend thats a guy?
All of them. Except Tay & Court & Amy & Just & Linz.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Has it ever been anything else?

Have you ever jumped in a pool with your clothes on?
Worst nightmare.

Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
Jo like last week haha.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Every day of life until about 2 years ago.

Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
21 hours until I might hear your voice in real-time, not just youtube.

Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?
No comment.

Do you ever wish you were famous?
No.

Are you currently missing someone?
Don't ever tell anyone anything. If you do, you start missing everyone.

IN SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

Preppy or Punk?
"...Are we still generalizing? Am I 15?..." -CEB

Well-educated or Dropout?
Little of both.

Contacts or Glasses?
Both?

Funny or Serious?
"...Both, often used improperly at completely inappropriate times..." -CEB

Cute or Hot?
Attractive, thankyou.

Basketball Player or Football Player?
Ew?

Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?
Church van, pls.




[ ZERO] Who was your last text from?
M'amy.

[ ONE] Where was your default pic taken ?
Good Tymez Bar, Toronoto, Ontario, CANADA

[ TWO ] What' s your middle name?
Laurel.

[ THREE] your relationship status?
Complicated. Long-distance. Disinterested in anything/one else.

[ FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
Oh this game is my favorite!

[ FIVE] What is your current mood?
.

[ SIX] Whats one of your sisters names?
There is only one Teller.

[ SEVEN ] What' s your favorite color?
PURPLEPELEKJB!hl!

[EIGHT] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
I don't do well with this one.

[NINE] Have a crazy side?
I mean...

[TEN] Ever had a near death experience?
That time we 360'd until I stopped us perpendicular to the approaching Mack truck.

[ELEVEN] Something you do a lot?
Talk.

[TWELVE] Angry at someone?
Angry wont begin to describe it if I'm unable to retrieve the data from a hard-drive currently in possession of a person with whom I no longer speak.

[THIRTEEN] What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
..................................................................................................................like I needed that.

[FOURTEEN] When is the last time you cried?
About an hour ago, watching Justine's youtube videos of my love.

[FIFTEEN] Who would you do anything for?
Stupid sister. & others.

[NINETEEN] What kind of phone do you have?
Verizon Samsung Alias.

[TWENTY- ONE] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Loony Tunes.

[TWENTY- TWO] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
The inside of my own stomach.

[TWENTY- THREE] Do you speak any other languages?
Seulement une petit peu le francais.

[TWENTY- FOUR] What are your parents names?
David & Robyn.

[TWENTY- FIVE] Describe your life in one word?
Truman.

[TWENTY- SIX] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
LLLLLLLLLLAAAAASSSSSSSSTTTTTTTT WWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK.

[TWENTY- SEVEN ] What are you thinking about right now?
Him.

[TWENTY- EIGHT ] What should you be doing right now?
Enjoying my last 72 hours in NY.

[TWENTY- NINE] What is your favorite memory?
Dont do this.

[THIRTY] What are you listening to?
Obnoxious people under my window.

[THIRTY- ONE] Who was the last person you told I love you to?
Tiller.

[THIRTY- TWO] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Tiller.

[THIRTY- THREE ] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Not even remotely. That's the beauty.

[THIRTY- FOUR] What is your natural hair color?
Black.

[THIRTY- FIVE] Who was the last person to make you smile?
Justine.

Tags:

D I S T A N C E

SKYPE WTF!
.024¢ / minute.
That's $1.50 AN HOUR.

What?

Remember that time $5 got me 12 minutes?
Now it could get me over 3 hours?

Darling.
What are we doing?

Hot Air Anchor

maybe im too young
to keep good love from going wrong
but tonight
you're on my mind
so
you never know





i need you so much closer

wot.

'...relationships are just like pokemon collecting...'

-TFBpstB

Set

They say it fades if you let it.
And maybe I have.
Because so many times over the past week,
I've had to pause for a moment and remember what I was holding on to.

They also say it only happens when it's effortless.
I've proven this.

You know,
when you actually find them, you know.
You do.
And not the kind of know as in a paralyzing fear that if you don't jump, you'll miss out.
The know where you just know.
You don't worry.
You don't think.
You just do.

It started with a pickup line, to be honest.
A line that was delivered by me.
Actually, two lines.
The first to get him talking and the last to get him home.
I will never forget my effortless brilliance:
"What are you, the Quiet One?"
"Right. You're staying with me."

That was 9 months ago to the day.
And to think of all the thinks I've thought and useless tears cried and hours stressing.
When I knew all along the answer and where it resides.
3,320 miles from here.

Oh, sigh.
The distance is quite simply far too much for me to row.
It seems farther than ever before.

40 weeks.
Can it wait that long?
Of course it can.
So you'll be to me who must obliquely run.
Thy firmness makes my circle just and makes me end where I begun.
So ill wait for you
and i'll burn











it's never over



.
its time for you to go
where the pulse of street
is beating slow
a
king
dom
for
a
kiss
up
on
the
shoul
der
shall
i
stay?
would it be
a
sin
?
''... Whats that magician he's got like long hair or somink anyway this guy he like... Made this girl like ... Disappear!...''

-Capt Mike Obvious
"... And I just heard 'uhhhh there's a british guy in Mom's bed' and thought 'shittttttt'..."

-Mug
"...thats what drugs make me do now though. Not like, 'uhhh im so fucckkkeeddd'; like, i just get naked with other guys..."

-boy called James
Made the border at 9am. Been braindead ever since. Now 15 miles from OUR BOYS! Ahhhhh!
if only
you
could see
this stranger
next
to me
you'd promise
you'd
promise
that you're
d o n e

but
i
cant
tell
you
from
the
d
r
u
g
s

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnO!

Thank you for reminding me of everything I don't REALLY want.
And showing me a glimpse of what I do.

Tags:

In.
Tents.



I'm assuming you got the message loud and clear.
Even through bitten-shut-lipped caveman charades, the eyes had it.

What did you hear ?

Wash, Rinse, ...

Anna: I don't want trouble.
Dan: I'm not trouble.
Anna: You're taken.
Dan: I've got to see you.
Anna: Tough.
Dan: You... KISSED me!
Anna: What are you - TWELVE?

Soon She'll Become...

Is your "love" really love?
Is my love really love?
I think that love isn't love
unless it's love till the end.

Tags:

Yes, Of Course.

Yes, I know what today is.
Yes, I know and, yes, I remember everything I've lost and everything I've wasted.
Yes, I know it was all such a waste.
Yes, I know I'm a completely different person now and
yes, I know you're a completely different person now and
yes, I know you were only 21 and I was only 18 and
yes, I know it can never ever ever ever ever be the same and
yes, I know I can never ever get it all back no matter how hard I want and dream and
yes, I know you're happy and
yes, I am actually happy myself, but
yes, I still think of you and
no, not as often as I did for the first two years and
no, certainly not every day anymore and
no, I don't expect that I'll ever get any answers at all and
no, I don't think anything could have ever felt that real forever, but
no, I still don't think anything could ever be that good again, either, and
yes, I know I need to forget that notion or be less stubborn, but
yes, I still care, even though I know I shouldn't and
yes, sometimes I still check calendars and things and wonder what if and
yes, I still believe and
yes, I'll believe in anything, but

IF I COULD TAKE THE FIRE OUT FROM THE WIRE,
I'D SHARE A LIFE AND YOU'D SHARE A LIFE and
I could take another hit from you and
I could take away the trips from you and
I could take away the salt from your eyes and
I could take away the shaky knees and
I could give you my apologies by handing over ideologies and
I COULD GIVE YOU ALL THE OLIVE TREES.................................


... but you're not hearing a word of this.
And you never will.
And you don't remember that I exist.
But I remember it's your birthday.

... And after all of that, I still hope it's a good one.
And I hope she makes yours as good as you made mine.
3 years ago.

Srsly?

Why do I find this impossible to believe?
I mean hasn't this got to be the only fun thing we have to do?






?!?

The Balls Are Inert

"I mean I don't sit around all day on the innertubes!"
- K O fucking C

Bloody Brilliant

So by "mumbly and clumsy",
I actually meant,
doped enough to MISS A STEP ON THE STAIRS
and wind up BACK IN THE HOSPITAL
not even 48 HOURS AFTER I LEFT.



I'm just a "hot mess".
Thanks, Shanks.

Coming & Going; Asleep & Awake

So in lieu of the morphine drip that I can't have at home,
they've got me on:

-1000mg of Hydrocodone (Vicoden)
-600mg of Ibuprofen

every 6 hours.



While this is lovely and I have NO idea that I'm in any pain,
I'm rather clumsy and mumbly
and INCREDIBLY FUCKING ITCHY.
Like serious crackhead itchy.



I guess thats the only news I have.
I want to sleep for 100 hours straight.
And cuddle.
Speaking of cuddling...

Quit trying (and semi-succeeding) to get under my skin.
We've got -realistically- like <4 nights left together.
Let's not shit ourselves.

Tags:

Yay for 12 hours in the hospital. 3 Pelvic exams, one ultrasound, one catscan, and a pisstest later, ... Benign ovarian cyst ruptured. Sweet. Wtf?

O.M.G.W.H.I.D.?

Suddenly I'm completely heartbroken.
I counted the days for weeks when I was dying inside of homesickness,
but now,
being able to see it all visually,
I am so so so not ready.







And I
I am
finally waking
up.

Dun Dun DUNNNN

And in the morning,
would you tell me that it's over?
You think that you'd do better
to stick with someone older?

Too young.
Yeah.
Too young.
And in the morning.
You're. Too. Young.
Too. Young.
In the morning.

Tags:

Uh

My roommate just came in from the bar,
at 7AM,
packed a bag,
and said,
"I'll be back from Los Angeles on Wednesday."
.
.
.

I asked,
"how drunk are you?"
She replied,
"on a scale of 1 to 10, ... 12,"
then walked out the door bumping a suitcase down all 30 stairs.





Should I have attempted to stop this?
''...I SAIDDDDDDDDD MY BUTT.CHEEK. VIBRATES! SOMETIMES...''

-Fletcher C. Johnson

So. THIS Year...









GUESS THE FUCK WHAT.



Marcus Sundance: better get on it, girl 
Marcus Sundance: quick quick
Marcus Sundance: you can do it

Bailey Bailey: I dont have access to a camera ANDDDDD I work from now till midnight and again tomorrow from 3 to midnight AHHHHH so I'd have to find someone to help AND edit it AND write it all THIS WEEK aghdhldksjfalskdghfkghelr! Ahh I'm a crazy person today!

Marcus Sundance: you can do it
Marcus Sundance: i believe in you

Bailey Bailey: I appreciate that!
...Sitting on a carousel ride
without any music or lights,
everything was closed at Coney Island
and I could not help from smiling.
I can hear the Atlantic echo back,
rollercoaster screams from summers past.
and everything was closed at Coney Island
and I could not help from smiling
Brooklyn will fill the beach eventually
and everyone will go except me...

Tags:

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Now I can't pretend to be someone I am not.
The bed that you made for me used to put me right to sleep.
But now I
l i e a w a k e.
Slowly devising this speech.

Tags:

UGH!

I just googled my favorite and most commonly used moniker, FakeRainbow, just to make sure no one was jacking my fucking style and like FIFTY MILLION PEOPLE ARE!

FUCK THEM.

I'm really fucking pissed off now.

Of Course

...none of the above happened.

I forgot to foresee that.

Round & Round &

"...AND NOW HIM?! What? What the fuck is even HAPPENING this week? Haha. Watch I'll go to work tomorrow and [Pygar] will be all like '...so I was thinkinnn...' AAHHGG! Fuck ALL of you. LOOK: '...yes! let's hangout tonight...'!!! WTF. So okay do that and then [Tony Stark] will text and be like '...hi I'm not ASLEEP now!...' and I'll be all like '...oh? Well now I'M busy!...' BOYS! Whyyyyyyy? Why are there so mannnnnnnyyyyyyyyy of them? Olives olives olives broccoli broccoli broccoli olivesolivesolivesolivesolivesolivesolivesOLIVE YOUUU! Olive ALL OF you! Olives you alllllllll. FUCK you all! ALL OF YOU!..."

-Yeah, that'd be me




.

An Deeeeeen

Update?
Meh.

No Cornerstone this year.
Which is okay because no one is even playing.
And it wont conflict with 6th anniversary Warped in Houston.

Going to Toronto, CANADA on June 10th, coming back the 17th.
LEGIT.

Staying at current place of employment until whenever the Big Release is,
which I'm HOPING will be in June,
and HOPING I will know that soon,
but if by July there is no real word, I'm gunna have to give up.

Estimated date of departure from NYC: July 3rd.

SMALL PERSON IS COMING TO ME IN JUNE.
Mother thinks last 10 days or so of June is best.

Current opportunities as far as employment goes are all over the place.
Could switch positions and shifts at current place.
Could pick up 2 days a week at second place of employment.
Either way, how much does it matter if I plan to leave in about 5 weeks anyway?

But will I really leave THAT soon?
Suddenly feeling really anxious about that whole idea.

Part of me thinks I should stay through July.
To do the things I'll hate myself for skipping out on if I dont.

As I figure all of this, and as the song I'm currently listening to crescendos,
the sun that has been hiding all day just burst into thousands of rays across my whole bedroom.
Moving, to say the least.

Makes me think I should be outside.
But, go figure, in almost the last week of MAY, it is VERY cold outside.
However, for 7PM, the amount of light blinding me right now is astounding.

Whatamidoing.

Quit With The Nostalgia Already, Bailey

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love.
Now you want me to go without.
Did I ask too much?
More than a lot?
You gave me nothing now it's all I've got.

Tags:

Exactly

.











Pizza for breakfast?
Several days a week?

What will I do with you?

Tags:

if i cant have you
dont you want me
too late to apologize

WHAT THE FUCK STATION IS THIS?!

Infected Wound From Rusted Ring; So What?

Well someone said I made a mistake:
Kept looking forward on paths sideways.
WELL SEASONS ALWAYS SHIFT TOO LATE!
Spent too much time now on paths sideways.
''...i'll eat some really weird shit and be really into it...''

-Lukas
<3.

Wow.

The window is cracked open, and, from somewhere,
"Heart of Gold" creeps in.

Keep searching.
Keep searching.

I'm getting old.
''ohhhh youre so skinny; i wanna wear your jeans!!!''

-KO muthafuckin C

And You Shed Not A Single Tear

...for the things that you did not need
cause you knew you were finally free.








Just had to force restart my compy,
thus frying the iTunes Library database file.

Still got all my music.
No documentation of how its been enjoyed.
No organization.
No timestamping.
No proof.

No holding on to the declarations of how I felt about certain people at certain times.
Just today.
Just the 15 Gig I have left of what wasn't lost when the iPod was lost.
3306 songs.
Play count: 0.

First song to receive a hit: Death Cab For Cutie - "Your Heart Is An Empty Room"
because it is the most appropriate right now.

First playlist:
"Starting Over: 05/13/2008"

Tags:

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